Spunky, Awnry, Drama Queen, TWO

Madalynn my love, you are one SPUNKY two year old! You are down right awnry when you do not get your way....But....I still think you are absolutely ADORABLE!!

This blog post is being created because of one of your tantrums you just had about 10 minutes ago. Over what? Because daddy said he wanted to continue watching Astro Boy while you went and watched Tangled in brothers room. Hmmmm.....seriously? First you came over to me and pushed my laptop screen down, then you proceeded to bite me on my arm a few times (thank god I had a hoodie on, because it protected me from your vicious bite), and then you started biting the couch, and finally you grabbed my dinner plate and tried to throw it onto the floor. Yep you did all of that because daddy said he was going to watch Astro Boy! You are a DRAMA QUEEN! You are definitely two years old.

By the way....when are you going to give up that darn ni-night (aka pacifier)?

My Husband

He's not perfect, I'm not either, and the two of us will never be perfect. But he has made me laugh at least once, causes me to think twice, and he admits to being human and making mistakes. i will hold onto him and hive him the most that I can. He doesn't quote poetry, he doesn't think about me every moment, but he has given me a part of him that he knows I could break. I promise not to hurt him, try to change him and i will never expect more of him than he can give. I smile when he makes me happy, I yell when he makes me mad, and miss him when he's not here. Love hard when love is to be had, because perfect guys do not exist, but he's perfect for me! I love my husband with all that I am and all that I have!

and I thought I had it bad....

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~ Elizabeth Stone

Here I am feeling sorry for myself. Disliking the decisions that I have made in the past. Then I stumble upon this post and realize...suck it up! It could be a lot worse. 

I cannot imagine the pain a mother feels when she has to bury a child. That is a pain that I never, ever want to have to experience. I have read in many blogs of this happening, I have personally seen this happen to my husband's aunt. She lost 2 of her 4 children, 6 years apart. How does a mom go on? 

Yes, I am depressed because 2 of my 4 children do not live with me. They live out of state with their dad and step-mom. My heart aches for them daily. They are the first things on my mind when I wake up and the last things on my mind when I fall asleep each night. I hate that I cannot kiss them goodnight every night. I hate that I cannot wake up and smell their morning breath, I hate that they aren't in my home with me. But, I now realize after God leading me to this blog tonight, that I am one of the lucky ones. I am a mom who still has all of her children! 

I was feeling sorry for myself tonight. I was hating life, feeling angry and I ended up getting out of bed to come blog. I knew that blogging about my feelings would help. Then, I came across the blog that I mentioned above and said to myself, "well if that wasn't a sign from God, I don't know what is." God obviously had me get out of bed and read this for a reason. He wanted to remind me of my blessings, and to pray for those who need it the most right now!

3 weeks ago Nolan's pediatrician decided that medicine would be beneficial for his diagnosis of "disruptive behavior/adhd." His dad and I gave it a lot of thought before the decision was made, and agreed that we should try it as well. We of course did not want our son becoming a lab rat, but we knew that it may take a few different types of medicines to find the one that works best with Nolan.

The pediatrician decided to try Tenex because he thought it would work really well with the sleeping medication that Nolan was already on, which is Clonidine. The first day he took the Tenex we noticed immediate results. He went from a level 10 to a level 4 of. He wasn't hyper, he wasn't uncooperative, he wasn't moody, he wasn't ready to kill his sister, he was just a calm 3 year old little boy. We loved it!

Now that it has been 3 weeks of Nolan taking this medication on a continual basis, we have noticed that he is very emotional. He whines for everything, about everything, he cries about anything and everything. He is much more needy and clingy. He also seems much more lethargic throughout the day. This is not normal. This can't be. Tomorrow morning I will be calling his pediatrician to explain to him what is going on, and hope for an answer.

We just want our son figured out as quickly as possible. It goes from one extreme to another. I wasn't prepared for this extreme. This is confusing for us, heartbreaking, and frustrating.

911

Tomorrow morning I will be applying for a job opening in our area for an Emergency Dispatch Operator. I am so excited, because I have wanted to be a "911" operator since I can remember!! This is my calling. The pay is great, the schedule is amazing and it's a fun and exciting career!

Please pray that this is in God's will for me! I really want this.

Baby Fever

Why is it when I see a new baby or a pregnant belly I get that "baby fever?"  I get that longing to be pregnant again, the desire to hold and smell a new baby. I have 4 children, I feel like I want more. There have been a few times that I really believed that I was done having babies. Then, another baby came along and I swore that was the last. Now here I am AGAIN wishing that I was pregnant.

Michael possibly does not want another baby due to financial woes. I understand his concern, but yet, I also feel like we will make it. We always do, some way or another.

I am not sure I want to go through post-partum depression again with another pregnancy, but I know it eventually goes away. I am in school full time, and I know that this should be my number one priority, however it isn't. Why can't we have everything we want and all the puzzle pieces fall together?

I have a few years left until I obtain my Bachelors degree, so I think that is when we may talk about bringing a new baby into our family. Anything can change, and we understand that. For now, these are our plans and yeah, I may not like them at the moment, but in time it will make sense.

Out of the Mouth of Babes

A friend of the family picked up a pair of shoes for Madalynn the other day and dropped them off while she was sleeping. As soon as she woke up, I showed her her new shoes. She looked at them and said "no like them, boy shoes!" Oh my gosh I was so caught off guard I didn't know what to even say at first. I couldn't help but laugh, but I thought they would be cute with a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt. Apparently they are not glittery, and frilly enough for this girl! She won't even try them on.

It is amazing how kids define their personalities without the help of mom and dad. They are literally their own little person.

I lover her for her opinions, and I guess if she does not like them, then they will not remain in our house.

New Blog Site

Is there ever a time you feel like blogging about the most personal thoughts you have, but the one thing stopping you is....who your followers are? Or who has access to reading your blog? I find blogging to be cathartic. So why not open up and spill my feelings and thoughts into this online journal I have. Well, because some people just don't need to know everything that is going on in my brain! But I do need an outlet for those nights when I cannot seem to fall asleep because way too much is going through my head, or when I just need to vent about something way too personal for some to see. Some of my very close friends will have access to this new blog. They are the only people I trust with my life and my thoughts. They do not judge me, they do not gossip about me and they love me unconditionally! 

I will continue to use this blog for not so personal stuff of course...so please do not stop reading! I enjoy you coming by.

She is Two!

Madalynn is Two!

On NEW YEARS EVE of 2011

You have brought us so much joy! You are one amazing, beautiful little girl! 

I never thought that I would be so lucky to be blessed with 

A DAUGHTER.

I look forward to the future with you. 

Shopping

Pedicures

Lunch Dates

Prom Dress Shopping

Snuggling up and sharing secrets

 boyfriend advice

friend advice

girl talk

You are so special to your daddy and I! 

You love:

Your stuffed puppy

ni-night (binky)

baby channel

dora

baths

blankies

baby dolls

barbie dolls

You are:

Shy

Stubborn

a mommy's girl

and sometimes daddy's too

34 pounds

36 inches

in size 3T 

You talk so much

Love to go bye bye

Won't sleep in your bed all night long

Love night gowns~you twirl in them and stare at your reflection

Love to have pretty's in your hair (bows & barrets)

You love your Nolan

Love story time

Playing in water

You look for trouble to get into

You have to do everything on your own

You whisper at times you feel shy

you can count to 7

You love to dance

You love to cuddle with mommy

You run into daddy's arms when he gets home from work

You eat snow

you are just you and you are a magnificent YOU!

Thank you for picking me to be your mommy! These first two years have been a wild ride, and I look forward to two hundred more with you.

I am over the moon in love with you.

Happy 2nd Birthday Madalynn Jean!